Dance to your own beat: Psychoscope, July 15 2019

There is this idea which I see all the time in self-help books and articles, but which is very difficult for me to follow: 

Never compare yourself to others

Apparently, there are at least 2 reasons why you shouldn't compare yourself to other people:
One - because it's like comparing apples to oranges: there is no point in making this comparison.
Two - because it will only make you unhappy as there always will be someone smarter, funnier, more successful, more beautiful, etc.

This is something I could never fully understand and internalize, no matter how hard I tried.

Is this really so that comparing yourself to others has no point? That is true that other people had different paths which led them to where they are, however, fundamentally we all are following the same path: we are born under similar circumstances, we grow in similar environments, we make choices which lead us to where we are, we perform our daily activities which shape us little by little. Is that not enough common ground for comparison? People are naturally inclined to compare themselves to each other; that is why we compete in sports, for example.

It is true that if comparison is not in your favor, it may make you feel unhappy, and if it is in your favor, it may make you feel undeservedly superior. But this does not mean it does not make sense to compare yourself to others. It only means it may not be a good idea: sense vs sensibility. Not comparing yourself in to order to avoid feeling bad can also be viewed like 'ostricity' strategy: having your head buried in sand; not wanting to know.

I think it's natural to compare yourself to others, and, for this reason, it's fruitless trying to avoid comparing yourself to others.
I also think there is no harm in comparing yourself to others: like with any comparison, it gives you a different perspective.

What should be avoided is obsessing over it and feeling inferior or superior to others as a result of it.

So I say, by all means, compare yourself to others, if you have to, but check yourself: are you comparing yourself to others for the wrong reasons? Are you obsessed with being like/unlike someone else?
If you do, then consider this: 

• are you comparing different aspects of your life? you may have not achieved outstanding results in chess, but you have developed better in another area;
• are you considering differences in circumstances? you may have not become a doctor, but you did not have parents who would encourage you to take this path;
• are you considering variances in goals, preferences and values? you may have not accumulated as much wealth, but you never truly valued it that much;

So, my formula is: definitely, dance to your own beat, but check out some other dancers, they may inspire you to become a better dancer.